Why is it that when I crave for something badly I never get it ?
Why is it that when I badly want to do something, things wont work my way ?The post title is bit an irony to the content. Well 'am not talking about what the first thing that strikes the mind when anyone reads the word sadism ;) its an irony to sadism that i'm trying to convey.
There are people who extract pleasure by being brutal. I remember right in front of me a Willis Jeep being being reduced nothing more than molten chassis and ashes, this was way back in 1991 during the big cauvery water dispute. There were bunch of goons and primary school kids totally amused by their act of burning down the jeep in minutes.
I attach emotionally to living or non-living things., like people around me, my close friends, stuff like my pen/pencil, my clothes, last but not the least my bike and my car. Though these may look very trivial they all mean a lot to me and make my existence complete. When any of these are hurt or 'am about to lose them I'll be more hurt emotionally.
Yesterday I was a victim of one such boorish act. Night I had parked my car outside my house. When I woke up in the morning all I could see was that my car was blemished by dents and long scratches on the bonnet. It looked to me that stones being chalked and hurled along with sand being scraped all over the bonnet.
I don't understand what sort of humans would get into such acts of sadism. Why do people get so low to derive pleasure from such clodhopping acts and causing emotional pain to others ?
After many years I finally felt today is a day-break from regular monotonous duties. It was difficult on how to spend the whole day, 'coz for me break means travel. But this break was somewhat difficult as i need to stay at home all day. I thought of having the whole day for me but it
turned out that i ended up doing nothing. The whole day I aimlessly sat besides the window watching the rain and clouds with my iPod plugged into my ears.
I tried my best not to get hooked into the internet, the best i could do was keep myself away till evening. Seems to me that i have become a net-o-holic. Its pretty much difficult for a person like me who is all the time outside traveling to be inside home idle and doing nothing just watching the rain. Somehow the day didn't go the way I wanted to break. I hope to take yet another day's break and see how idle mind works...
In the end i still njoyed the break for doing nothing :)
Since for almost more than a week the days are rolling-by in a very much bland fashion. Not much of a notable events nor memories have crossed.
This is something good as neither 'am i happy nor angry or cribbing or sad or wanting more. Probably its state of equilibrium that i have been floating since a week which is good for me.
But there is a saying "there is a calm before the storm"
i had forgotten about 2 deeds that i did yesterday that made me proud of what i'm and how much worthy i could be at times to others. though it may seem to be a very small thing that i did but i really know how much of a satisfaction i had in doing it and how much a relief for the people whom i served. This doesn't seem to be the first time that this sort of an incident is happening but i can recollect many such instances where i have served others.
sometimes i keep wondering "Is this the purpose why god has brought here ?? to serve others in need ??". well definitely I wonder and unequivocally I'm proud of what I'm and my existence. yes and theres a long way to go...
Yes its worth to be called "my day"
I have often seen that we tend to believe that we know ourself well and are aware of our true nature, a belief which is often convenient rather than true. At times it takes another person to break this self created fallacy but it is possible to get to know yourself better through conscious introspection and by seeking answers from the external world.
Accept for the fact that there will always be a difference between 
what we think about ourself and what we really are. One needs to be observant, internally and externally. Other people’s reactions can often give clues to our personality traits that we might not be aware of or have an incorrect perception of. If people don’t like to mingle with you or avoid you or you badly hate few people then these are the indicators to try and analyse why that might be the case. Introspection on how we are treated by other people can depict our personality. If we notice a particular slant in behavioural patterns with a number of people which suggests that it might have to do with us rather than the other person. We need to be aware that very individual whom we meet mirrors a section of your personality.
Ask yourself, “Is life being kind to me?” If your answer is an yes, then it reflects on your level of contentment. It means that you are aware of your true self. However, if you are not so happy and uncomfortable with life, this would suggest that you need to know yourself more.
I know that I should try. I also know that I can't win, but I try and sometimes I pretend.
I know that I'd be left alone with my unhappiness.
And I know someday I'll find my happiness.
Its easy of getting lost ...
getting lost in mind, lost in thoughts, lost in discussion, lost in internal inquiry, lost in internal chatter of voices, lost over a cup of tea, lost while driving, lost in googling, lost in conversation, 
lost deep within, lost being alone, lost in a crowd, lost globally, lost in listening music, lost in affliction, lost in sense of directions, lost in precedence, lost in sense of perspective, lost in the future while stuck with the past, lost in crux of the problem, lost for words, lost in a flash, lost in travel, lost in respite, lost in experience, lost in "404 Page not Found".
We keep losing mind, losing patience, losing innocence, losing soul, losing maturity, losing time, losing memories, losing weight, losing greenness, losing grayness, losing focus, losing popularity, losing what was never there !!!,
The list endless...
But what is found ? And where are the answers ?
It so happened this saturday that i had taken my niece ( 14 yrs ) and nephew (12 yrs ) to my friend's home to cut a dvd. While i was busy working on the nero burner to get the dvd done my nephew tapped me on my left shoulder and a very hesitant tone asked "Babu... that thing on the table ? Is it a phone ?" I just looked on my left
on a small table was kept a red coloured phone and with a grin on my face looking towards him "Hey dumbo thats a phone, haven't u seen this one before ?". Both my niece and nephew with a very jinxed expression on their face and staring at me said "NO...".
In this age of iPhone well whats this phone supposed to be that kids in this age group haven't seen ?
Well its the rotary phone that used to "tring, tring..." once upon a time.
Oopps... I realised that definitely the rotary phones are a long forgotten history. But that definitely was a reckoning moment for the kids as they are touching the past with the rotary phone. Its so strange that I had to teach them how to use the rotary dial to make a phone call in contrary to this generation who needn't to be thought on how to use a cell phone.
[ The picture here is my nephew making a call on the old rotary phone ]
